Ignorant Dating Advice

Single like my dear friend Betsy? I will help you catch and keep a date in no time.

Interaction is a huge component to a human being’s happiness. People need to be loved, touched and appreciated. Regardless of the physical aspects, dating helps you learn a lot about yourself. It helps you determine your temperament, time management and the importance of sharing. That is why having relationships is key to having a successful life. At least that is what I have learned from all of the people I have dated in my life. All zero of them.

I think when it comes to giving dating advice ignorance may be bliss. I have never been struck by the epidemic of “true love,” approached by my “soul mate” (although I did feel flutters in stomach when I had my first Dirty Curty) or ever been on a date. Ever. Thus, making me unbiased. So before you hit the town with the new person in your life, here is some quick dating tips to make your night the last first date you will ever have.

  • Be new. Since it isn’t the 1900s anymore, asking people on a date has slowly dwindled down to texting a quick “won 2 hng?” or moving to the corner of a party and sharing a Solo cup. Regardless of the current social norm, it is time to break the mold and ask someone on a date via karaoke. All of the best moments in history happened right before or immediately after a good karaoke sesh. For instance: MLK’s infamous speech, Ellen DeGeneres’s coming out and as recent as His Royal Highness Prince George’s of Cambridge birth.
  • Be yourself. When you successfully have obtained the date of your dreams it is time to show her/him that you can handle your own. Are you going on a dinner date? Challenge them to the 70 oz. steak challenge. Loser buys. Movie date? Pick the scariest movie they have, sit front row and watch it upside down. Your nightmares won’t even know how to process the change of gravity. Romantic walk? Turn it into a brisk run by playing tag. Not just with each other, but everyone in the vicinity. You can learn a lot about a person by their willingness to recreate childhood games.
  • Be bold. After the person you have wooed has opened up to the possibility that they are in love with you, it is time to make the move that can secure your rightful spot in her/his heart. Change your last name to theirs by the third date and tattoo their face on your upper back. It worked for my parent’s 29 year marriage so it will work for everyone else. (sidenote: Laurie Tilley does not have a tattoo of my father’s face nor did she take his last name and vice versa)

Whoever life throws at you, always be prepared to make them your number one boo.

They took my advice and have been together for almost thirty years.

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