Do you feel like everyone around you is turning 21? Does it feel like every time you go out you see less and less of the people you call your friends? Are you the oldest person at a house party? Then you, my friend, are suffering from Latebirthdayosis. This disease is very prevalent on college campuses, but do not fear, we can fight through this together.
The symptoms of Latebirthdayosis include:
- You have made more shotbook pages than you can count on five hands, and in return you have received zero.
- When people talk about the bars you feel anxious, exasperated and alone. The bars have taken your friends, and it feels like they do not want you at all.
- Mild depression due to FOMO.
- You find yourself staying in more than usual and you have started to become accustomed to it. Possibly enjoy it as well. Anything is better than seeing younger college students actin’ a fool. You’re too old for that (yet too young for the bars).
- You’re washing more t-shirts than in recent months. Who needs to dress up to eat a pizza and watch Home Alone when you are alone at home — see what I did there?
If you or a loved one is suffering from Latebirthdayosis then it is time to take a new outlook on this disease.
There are actually some positives to this diagnosis:
- You are not required to attend your friend’s 21st birthday bar hop on a Tuesday and do not feel awful on Wednesday in your 8:30 a.m. Microbiology class.
- No obligations of dressing up, putting on makeup or wearing pants.
- You are closer in age to being a child and not fully considered an adult. Thus, allowed to act whichever way you want without judgment.
- More of your friends will be able to celebrate your 21st birthday with you. They will also have a good knowledge of the best places to hit up.
- Your bank account takes less of a beating due to opting out of paying for overpriced shots and late night drunk food.
It is time to stop feeling bad for yourself and take advantage of having a late birthday. Use your extra cash and calories to treat yourself to an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. While your friends are running around the bars, go to a trampoline park and lose your shit. Stop daydreaming about the bars and enjoy your nights. The possibilities are endless. Except for the bars. The bars are not a possibility.