Beauty in a Beach Bod and Other Important Things

It is officially less than a week until Spring Break and I could not be more ecstatic and so irked. Every time I hear someone say that they aren’t ready for Spring Break because they are “fat like an elephant ass,” or “white like an albino squirrel in a snow storm,” (maybe not verbatim) I can feel my double cheeseburger with bacon churning in my big ol’ belly.

Super flirty. Everyone does a picture like this freshmen year. Right?
Super flirty. Everyone does a picture like this freshmen year. Right?

When did Spring Break become a time to be ultra-sensitive about our appearance? Oh ya, when swimsuits are involved.  Spring Break has turned into a time to critically assess our “flaws” and try and adjust them before some random people from other schools can judge our meaty thighs. But have we forgotten the true meaning of the spirit of the holiday? To enjoy a week of no worries filled with questionable judgement and new experiences with friends you love and new friends you will love for only one week — or even one night. People will only remember you for your love handles if you are uncomfortable and bring attention to them.

Needless to say, everyone should feel comfortable in their own skin. And if you aren’t happy in your body and really do believe that you need to tone up — or just be healthier — you have my support. Just do not get caught up in the hype of people trying drastic diet changes and binge working out. It is your body, and there is no reason that anyone or any perception should alter what you feel is beautiful for yourself.

For those more concerned about planning your trip, here are some tips to prepare for Spring Break:

  • Budget. Everyone has a different financial situation. So it is better to know what you can and cannot spend money on throughout the week. There is no shame eating at a Taco Bell three nights in a row if you are running low on funds. There is shame in going to a joint KFC and Taco Bell, eating an ungodly amount of food, and then forcing yourself to throw up.
  • Map. I do not mean map out the directions for the drive. I mean map out all of the walk-able restaurants, grocery stores, ice cream joints, etc. There will come a time when you need to eat and will not be able to drive, or have a car. Then you will thank me. So you are welcome in advance.
  • Music. Every great scene in a movie is orchestrated by the perfect song that fits the situation. It can build you up to be terrified in a horror movie or can bring you to tears in a drama. Compile the music for your road trip, before you go to the beach and when you are getting ready for the night. It will make all of the difference. Or don’t. I will be jamming so I don’t care.
  • Buddy system. Spring Break is one of the best weeks of the year, but it could also be the the worst if you are not careful. Figure out a system that works best for you and your friends and make sure to take care of each other. Try not to pair with the person you know is into arson and strippers. Unless of course, that is you. You’re on your own then.
  • Yes. Prepare yourself to say yes to everything — mostly everything. Never thought you would get in the ocean when it is more frigid than the Antarctic? Never thought you would enter in a dance-off to “Baby Got Back”? You were wrong. Because Spring Break is a yes week, and you are doing it with a smile on your face. With that said, steer away from anyone with a video camera. Keep your middle finger down and your boobs tucked safely away for future you.
  • Pack light. Literally and figuratively. Remember you will probably be only in a swimsuit and a tank top on the beach, and maybe not even go out every night. More importantly, drop all of the grudges and silly tedious fights that you have with your friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents, your neighbor, your statistic professor who scheduled a test the Monday after your trip and the post office who didn’t deliver that item you needed on the beach. Bring no negative emotions, because we are lucky enough to be alive, and look forward to a whole week of fun and debauchery.

Remember that Spring Break is a time to be happy. So lose yourself in the annual experience of blissful, enchanting and euphoric — I know that is redundant, but it feels necessary — adventures that wait for you at your destination.

Cheers to Spring Break ladies and gentlemen.
Cheers to Spring Break ladies and gentlemen.

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